Communication by Force

Communication by Force

While trying to answer a telephone call from a spiritual advisor, I inadvertently missed the as a result of a call drop.  I returned the call immediately, but got voicemail.  I waited three minutes to call and again was sent to voicemail.  I hung up; then received a call about ten minutes later.  The beginning conversation was about the fact that it took us about 12 minutes to connect a cell-to-cell phone call.  We were both trying to force a call through to each other with constant callbacks, without waiting after each initial call.  Several things are noteworthy during the fifteen minutes of failure to communicate.  (1) A dropped call, (2) returned calls from both parties during the same time period (phone lines are jammed, creating friction), causing (3) busy lines and an inability to make contact (creating unforeseen perceptions).

When the lines of communication between two parties are disrupted, for whatever reason, clear messages become distorted, and are likely to fail altogether.  In many ways, the chain of phone call attempts in the paragraph above parallels an occurrence of people making a face-to-face or device-to-device effort to talk.  When two parties attempt to talk, but miscommunicate, significant nuances occur and potentially become a barrier to a flowing conversation.  Forcing issues on one another, without establishing clarity, can, and do drive parties farther and farther apart.  Negative persistence by one creates resistance by the other, thereby resulting in further strife and conflict. 

The message here is that force is a barrier to communication.  Patience, clarity and nonresistance go a long way when trying to convey a message to another.  So, when making an effort to communicate with one where there is a barrier, wait for the lines between parties to clear, and then proceed with a smooth flow, without resistance.

INSPIRED in 2013

Having many challenges and fears of my own, I have come to realize that by virtue of my birth I am worthy of all good from God that I can imagine.

I now: 

Pray that my gifts and talents are used to serve and please God.  Be my gifts.

Surrender to God and I don’t have to try so hard. Trying too hard is exhausting and stressful. E.g., I allow God to bring it to me.  My influence on others has no power unless they allow it.  Forcing situations is spiritually draining, so I avoid resistance. Go with the flow as opposed to against the tide. Be flow.

Use the lesson in circumstances to transcend them. Be transcendent.  

Break unwanted habits by focusing on what I want, as opposed to focusing on the habit.  I think of how good it feels to be the way I want to be.  I ask, “What is involved in what I want?”  I do that. Be that.

Give myself time to identify what fulfills me.  Be that. “It is not about the money,” as my daughter says, or the position on a job.  I have heard many times, “Do what you love and the money will come.”  It is true.  I ask myself, “What do I always do or want to do creatively and enjoyably?” Within this answer my gifts lie.  

Spend time each day connecting with God in my way. 

I give thanks for my blessings and I am continuously blessed.

Adhere to a Higher Awareness (Aha!)

Recently, while facing very challenging consequences, emotionally and financially, I began to seek a higher consciousness of my connection with my Source. Suddenly, I realized a phenomenal idea that I had been taught over the last year. That is, words have vibrations.  Some parts of speech move at a higher level and rate than others. The higher the vibration, the better the outcome in my life.  The lower the vibration, the more disdain I am apt to behold. 

For example, as a result of a most recent situation that presented itself to me, I told myself that I was depressed.  I told others that I was in a “state of depression”.  The challenge was quite strenuous, and I was rather somber for a few days.  Moping about anything for days was unlike my usual mode of operation.  I seemed stuck on this ever-sinking ship. Calling forth my spiritual knowledge, I became an observer of my thoughts.  I came to realize that each time I said or thought the term, “depressed”, I felt worse.  A sick feeling came over me every time the term surfaced.  Aha!  I realized that it was not the situation that was making me feel so badly, but what I thought the situation made me feel.  As long as I labeled myself depressed, I felt that way.  “So”, I thought, I’ll change the term!  What is better than depressed?  Inspired (It could have been enlightened, or blessed, etc...)! 

I made a list, as my minister suggested, of things for which I am grateful.  Inspiration was near the top of the list. I immersed in the thought, “I am inspired”, and instantly felt relief.  I repeatedly thought, “I am inspired.” I began to feel lighter; more free. “That’s it”, I thought. I decided to “adhere to a higher awareness (AHA)” that I control my thoughts, and in turn, my feelings.  Lynn Grabhorn emphasized this idea in Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting (2000).  Yes, my life was patiently waiting for me to vibrate at a higher level, that of gratitude and joy.   I’ll adhere to that!

Destination Celebration

As the season of so much emotion is now upon us, choose the good ones as your partner.  The people of the world have so much challenge, yet so much to cheer.  Join those of us who use our sorrows as our deepest level of our journey upward. Shed those heavy feelings of guilt, shame, resentment, etc.  When we are down, at the bottom of a valley, there is only one way to go, and that is up.  How?  We allow ourselves to be pulled up by the beauty of falling leaves (imagine them in a big bunch), the smell of fresh cut pine (or cedar scented fragrance), and cool, brisk mornings that help mums to thrive. The winds of change enhance it all.  Choose to spiral upward like the wind and breathe the freshness of a higher altitude. Let it fill you with the promise of an opportunity for growth in a new direction. Only you can.

Just for now, choose a good feeling.  Think of the "wonder of you." It is for your pleasure.  So, get in the cockpit, put on your seatbelt. You are in charge of your own celebration destination. Align with your god within, the thought of one of your most valued attributes. Carry one in your mind today and let it fill you with gladness.  Take the gladness with you all day in everything that you do; and each new day choose a different attribute if you like. Your destination will be a celebration.

Contemplate the love that you will share this season with those who are dear; and enjoy. 

Saluting Fathers

This post is a salute to all the fathers who led the charge that created memorable experiences for the children of the world.  When you think of a father or significance man in your life, name the aspects of your life that are forever changed by his presence.

Here are some that were shared in a special Father's Day program recently.........

In addition to discipline, my father taught me that: Tilling soil is the first preparation in planting a garden; chivalry is alive and well and in his hands; there is value in women's sports as well as men's; policemen represent helping professionals; he knows who my friends are; saving money could someday save me; painting a window can give a house a facelift;  I matter; in a team effort, someone must lead; I am balanced by his presence; to respect myself and authority; his guidance is much needed in the family; yard work can be fun; time is more important than money; the truth is infallible; and gentleness is a big part of macho behavior.

My father taught me how to: Set goals for my money;  love my mother; to love my siblings; start a 401k account and leave it there; drive a stick shift; build a tree house; cook on the grill; check my car for maintenance; skate; cook eggs many different ways; endear the family with stories of yesteryear; punishment can be as simple as disappointing him; and fathers come in many shapes, sizes and colors.

Life is better when his love is unconditional.

Service Rewards Civility

What is the most effective approach to discuss an issue that you may have with a product or service received from a “for profit company”? 

The first person that manages a complaint is a service attendant. Service attendants are those people on the front line of companies that just “aim to please”.  Let’s examine what typically happens when we call in or walk in a complaint in the following situation.

We discover that there is a problem with a service or merchandise that is paid by our hard earned, often stretched dollar.  

Early in your decision to contact the servicing company, decide your desired outcome.  You may be asked, “What results would you like to see?”  A reasonable resolution, considering your rights and the warranty and guidelines associated with the product or service.

Formulate a clear description of the problem before calling or going into a service center.  Clarity of the problem will set the stage for smoother interaction. 

Also, a key to success is “calm”.  Calm is the posture that turns cream into butter. 

Even when you meet with an attendant who is abrasive or curt, your calm will help remove the apparent dis-ease that they bring to you.

Next, follow the process that the attendant suggests.  Cooperation and calm sends the attendant the message that you are patient and willing to work with them to solve the issue.  When we ask for help with a problem, we must allow them to do their job.  If a question is asked, answer it. You will be taken more seriously.  Also, be prepared to accept mistakes you may have made with the product or service.

When a solution is offered, you will either like it or not.   If you like the suggested resolve, that is great.  If not, ask to negotiate with the company toward your satisfaction. Explain, calmly, the problems caused by the malfunction. Tell them what you expect and would like to see happen. 

The attendant may or may not be able to satisfy your request.  Ask to speak to a manager at the next level.  Often, management must authorize decisions made beyond the ordinary.  Remain calm throughout the process.

Should your issue remain unresolved after speaking with local management, seek a corporate contact.  You should be prepared to write to them, requesting reconsideration.   The approach remains the same.  State the problem; state other complications the problem caused (i.e., wasted time and money); state your history with the company; then, suggest how you may be satisfied. 

Even if you are dissatisfied, avoid abrasive communication.  Displays of anger or loud outburst rarely created desired outcomes.  Cordiality goes a long way when negotiating with a company that has the power to give you the satisfaction you feel you deserve.  In the end, you will feel better that you did not lose control, remained humble, but firm, keeping your dignity and your health.

Each time I have used this method, I have received optimum satisfaction.  Service rewards civility.

Career Exploration

Today in church, the minister had us to do several activities.  We were asked to greet someone in the morning service that we did not know and talk to them for a couple of minutes.  I met two young ladies, separately, who are 26 and 12.  Immediately my career prep questions surfaced.  They both spoke of a desire to do something in their future of which they had no experience.  I went into advice mode; however, instead of giving advice, I made an effort to inspire introspection.  So I gave them ideas to help them figure a path toward career satisfaction. 

One place to start is by asking key questions for the 26 year old that wants to own a business. Does she want to offer a service or merchandise? Can she identify gaps in the needs or wants of the public (potential customers)?  Can she arrange to fulfill the need with regard to resources and location? Finally, what would she enjoy offering others that would fulfill their needs?

It is important that the 12 year old begin to explore careers.  She thinks that she wants to be a sports commentator.  A great summer endeavor for her would be to begin researching education requirements to enter the career field.  Then she should interview a person employed in the area of her interest.  Spending a day or two shadowing the person could follow the interview.  Engaging in these activities would give her a good picture of “a day in the life” of a professional.  Several persons in a variety of career areas could be studied throughout the summer.  It could be a great beginning, or continuation, of a career portfolio.